Overwhelmed and Rambling

This is a bumper sticker I have hanging on my studio wall from a catering company in Asheville. Due to my name, I've always interpreted a different meaning from what the message really intends. It's a voice inside my head, reminding me to keep on going and don't delay. I've always been a disciplined and focused worker in the studio, but having my own studio to myself this last year and a half has been challenging. Despite long to-do lists that somehow get completed, sometimes I worry I'm not working as efficiently or as happily as I would be if I were back in a bustling energetic studio full of other artists, or at least a couple of artists. The grass is always greener on the other side, because when I was in that type of busy studio at the Odyssey Center, I daydreamed of having my own studio space where I'd have uninterrupted studio time. I guess there are advantages and disadvantages to both sides of the story. I do get to focus on my work when I want to and don't have people bothering me. On the other hand, maybe I secretly want someone to come and "bother" me. Working solo in a studio causes you to force out your own energy and momentum. I remember Michael Simon speaking of work rhythms in a Studio Potter issue, (June 2006, vol. 34). He says, "you didn't just go in there [the studio] when you felt like going in there; you went in when you felt good and when you felt bad. It was your life. You just went in there."

It's really an odd phenomenon really, because I love working in the studio, so I find it odd that I would have a hard time getting in there sometimes. One large factor I think that contributes to this is the stress I feel having to keep up on everything else that comes along with being self-employed. Being the CEO and the Janitor, like my friend Meagan was just commenting on in her blog. Lately, I've been feeling very overwhelmed with trying to keep up with everything, from improving my work in the studio, exploring new forms and ideas, doing research about glazes and firing, improving my articulation about my work, finding and applying to good shows and exhibits, promoting myself in galleries, promoting myself on the internet, sifting through technical computer work and office work, meeting my budget while saving money, and the list just goes on and on. All of this is very important, but sometimes I don't know where it ends. My assistant hasn't shown up yet! I think maybe I should go through everything and re-prioritize. When I ask myself what's most important to this career of mine, my first instinct is to say that the top priority is my pottery. One of my major goals has always been to improve my work each time I make a new kiln load. I want to continue being conscious of trying to push myself into new avenues, trying new things in the studio, trying new things in a firing, learning how to speak more thoroughly about my work, etc.

With this blog, I feel like I have been painting a pretty picture of my life as a potter. It has been good for me to clarify my thoughts about my work and I have been enjoying the connections I am getting from all of the other people reading. Sure, there are wonderful sides to the creative life where I create things that possess my whole being and find connections with other people who enjoy the things that I observe and share inside my bowls and cups. However, there is a hard reality that is behind all the glory, behind the pretty pictures and the pretty pots. What's in the dirt under my fingernails is a developer, a creator, a secretary, a web designer, a writer, a marketer, a salesperson, a photographer, a teacher, a mover, a janitor and a boss who never lets me off.